Welcome to my blog - it's been a long time in my thoughts but I've just never got around to it - it really needed something important to galvanise me into action and for some very strange reason I felt a compelling urge yesterday to do something worthwhile and productive with my life - something I'm not sure I've ever actually done before.
The "Snail Rides" will be series of increasingly challenging ultra endurance cycling events with one focus - to raise funds and awareness for the various charities I will be supporting along my journey...simple as...
But first, a bit about me...well I come from a fairly ordinary background and all my life I've always had bags of ability in pretty much everything I've ever wanted to do but yet I've never felt that feeling of contentment or the feeling that I'm doing something worthwhile.
In my early years this wasn't particularly a problem, but since about the age of 18 (so pretty much my whole adult life) I've had this feeling that something is missing, that I'm supposed to do more with my life. I was pretty much press-ganged by my parents into going to University and following a career in IT which I did - but it never felt 100% right - it was more like I was following their dreams rather than my own - I was the youngest of 4 siblings and the last chance (so they thought) of having a son or daughter go to University and get a degree...it was very, very important to them (my Mum more than my Dad it has to be said).
After being quite an athlete in my early years (middle distance running was my thing and I grew up very much in the era of the great British runners of Coe, Ovett and Cram) I followed the University and career path and I quickly spiralled out of control - I had no time for exercise or eating properly - by the time I was 30 I was a rather large 18 and half stone and increasing rapidly...wine, take aways, sweets, coke and large volumes of guiness had taken their toll - I was a mess, physically, mentally and perhaps spiritually as well.
During this period - the real issue had occurred though - that of depression - though I didn't realise it until my late 20s. A complete lack of self-respect, a lack of interest in anything including life and constant thoughts of self-loathing and even suicide pretty much summed up my life from 18 to 32...to this day I'm not entirely sure how I got through it - suffice to say I didn't like myself very much but couldn't see a way out - I tried talking to my wife and parents - but they just didn't seem to understand - "just pull yourself together" was the usual statement!
At the age of 30, I'd had enough - time to go and see the GP. I was surprised to find that they felt they could help - that this was something I was not alone in feeling and much more common than I thought - and so I started the process of taking anti-depressants and seeking counselling. This did work to some extent - and pretty much to this day I've been on one anti-depressant or another - had numerous counselling sessions and I'm certainly in a better place now than I was in my 20s.
The real epiphany, however, came when I was 32 - I decided that enough was enough with my lack of exercise and huge weight...at nearly 19 stone - I needed to do something and fast. This was when I found the joy of healthy eating and exercise and specifically road cycling.
I started riding a mountain bike (on the road) and couldn't believe how it made me feel. No matter how I felt before going for a ride I found that during and after I felt great - the depression and self doubt gone - problems and worries were either forgotten or solutions found during the time for reflection.
The combination of the cycling and diet made a massive amount of difference to my self-esteem - I suddenly could look into the mirror and see someone I actually liked. I began to like myself and stopped wishing I could be somebody else - being me was just fine and dandy.
Since that point there have been some significant ups and downs and I will go into these in more detail later on in my blog since they directly affect where I am now and where I will be going with my life - but I need to focus on the main reason for writing this blog in the first place, that is doing something worthwhile with my life...
So back to the main point...yesterday (20th March 2012), I decided to go for a ride - doing my usual of thinking about anything and everything as I rode I contemplated what I wanted to achieve on the bike - did I want to race, did I want to do time trials, did I want to ride long/ultra distance events - the list of thoughts went on and on - I'm a classical over-thinker (one of the many reasons for my clinical depression).
Then, out of the blue, a thought came to me - in fact it wasn't so much a thought, as a little voice talking to me (oh dear!!!) - it was saying, use the cycling for something useful - you've nothing to prove to anyone - but you can do something that will help others...it was a very strange feeling but for once in my life I felt a sudden feeling that, yes, I must do this - I have to do this...
I already had it in mind to ride the 600km ride called the Bryan Chapman Classic, which goes from Chepstow to the Menai Bridge and back within 40 hours, but this was just a personal challenge. But why go to all that effort and achieve nothing for anybody else - it is a big challenge and so I thought - well this could actually be the start of something big - 600km may sound huge to most, but in reality it is small compared with some of the achievements of others...but that wasn't the reason - it's about doing something that inspires people and moves them to contribute to a worthwhile cause and also raises the awareness of that cause.
So what's the cause? Well as you can tell from the vast majority of this blog entry, mental health is a subject and a cause that is close to my heart. Mind are the national charity who focus on increasing the awareness, reducing the stigma and providing support to those that suffer with mental health issues.
So there we have it...one way or another, on May 19th 2012, I'm setting off from Chepstow and riding the length of Wales from South to North and back and above all else hoping to raise awareness and raise funds for this extremely worthy cause...I hope that you will support me in this ongoing cause and adventure...I do not intend this to be the first and last fundraising event - I have big plans - and each challenge will be bigger and more challenging than the last - I'll keep you posted!
You can sponsor me at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/thesnail - as much or as little as you like - even just £1 is enough - it all counts and you can be assured I will be eternally grateful and even more determined to achieve those BIG goals!
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